A Brief Journal of Healing & Self-Discovery
19. Hi Mike,
Things are going well. I'm doing group therapy in addition to my individual therapy. We're all patients of the same shrink. This has been awesome. My depression has started to lift and my spirit has a new quality to it. By no means things are perfect, but I'm going through an interesting transition stage, which I think is very encouraging.
I'm realizing now that depression lifts, that I hate my career and would rather drive a rusty nail through my hand than go to work 80% of the time. I only go to work for the money and feel unmotivated. At times I wish I could move to Hawaii, date a good looking Hawaiian wahine who can do the hula and learn to surf. :)
[Name]
18. Hi Mike,
Things are going great. About a week ago I had a conversation with my two friends and told them my whole story. They were very cool with it. The ability to release all that I held back was amazing. It's like I have nothing to run from now and I've been able to "breathe" again. I feel like I am no longer stuck. It was a monumental decision to face my fears (tell my male friends what happened with me) and it paid off handsomely. I feel great interacting with my friends past week or so, as well as interacting with people and also with women. My interest in women seems to have been let loose as well. It has been interesting and most of all stress free. I can't believe I waited 12 years to do this. This was the single best thing I could have done for myself. Life feels pretty good now. Thank you for checking in with me. Feel free to post this on your site.
[Name]
17. Hi Mike,
I went to psychoanalysis today for first visit. I think it could be helpful. I'm looking forward to future sessions.
A lot of feelings came back about the pain I suffered coming to this country at age 13, not speaking any English. I was treated like shit by my peers, less than human, like an animal. I had to give up my ethnicity, my identity and my name just to fit and be accepted by Americans. I took a beating psychically at that time from which I have never recovered. Feel free to post it. I'll keep you updated.
[ Name ]
16. Hi Mike, How's everything going?
I'm having a difficult time dealing with fear of telling people what I'm going through and being honest about it. I feel like this is not good for my health. How do I better go about it in your opinion? Thanks and best wishes! [Name]
15. Hi Mike
How are you. It's very up and down with me. Some days I feel I have it figured out and some days I don't. Some days I'm more honest with myself and others and some days I'm not. It's not always easy, I wish I had all the answers and wish I'd trust my gut more.
[name]
14. Thanks Mike. No, I'm definitely NOT suicidal, except for maybe unconsciously, which is a notion I can handle. I think I have some serious PTSD from these traumatic experiences. I'm hopeful for more progress and healthy insight.
13. I'm waiting to settle a good [ deleted ] case I'm handling now, so hopefully I'll have some funds to see an analyst.
This whole confusion problem is really getting on my nerves. It's very difficult to live one's life in this manner.
12. Hi Mike. I hope all is well. Sorry I haven't been in touch, but I wanted to have a break before I communicated with you, so I could get some new material.
What is your understanding the interplay between a life instinct and a death instinct? Is it possible to have an unconscious desire to commit suicide, and even though one never takes a drastic measure such as suicide, but maybe will allow themselves to not eat well, engage in unhealthy mental states, do drugs, fight with people? [ Most definitely! ]
[Name]
11. Hi Mike, I read #528. [ Quotation/Comment # 528 in "Schizophrenia - The Bearded Lady Disease" ] I get what it is saying. I think in the end there's a part of me that would like to change what gives me that great orgasm. It used to be women, but ever since 22 it was men that have been an excitation. I don't even know if this is something that I have any say or control over or am I simply spinning my wheels.
10. Sorry that I'm spitting out these emails but I can't sleep.
I'm having a difficult time connecting with the notion that what happened to you from ages 0 to 9 can have an effect on how you feel now. Any advice. [ psycho-analysis ] Keep in mind I've never been a parent. Thanks
9. Hi Mike, Was it on your website that you wrote that a person with a bisexual conflict has to either accept homosexuality or mature into heterosexuality? [ yes ] What exactly does maturing into heterosexuality entail? Thanks.
[Name]
8. Hi Mike, Thanks. I think the biggest source of my conflict is that I enjoyed my same sex experience with my friend at age 14 and I am uncomfortable with the notion that I may have a desire for this sort of experience again, which is not in line with my inherent heterosexual sex drive. I don't know how to resolve these competing urges. The memory of that experience came back at age 22 along with those urges.
I find it difficult to make sense of all this, and I had been hoping that those urges would go away. I think that was the wrong approach, but I'm not sure what the right and healthy approach is. I guess I need to figure that out for myself.
I hope that didn't sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself.
What do you think of this, Mike?
7. Hi Mike, Likewise. I plan on doing some psychoanalysis. I want to learn what else I "don't know" about myself.
Feel free to use the "sanitized" text of my emails, I hope it helps someone. I don't know if I have schizophrenia [ he does not ], but whatever I'm dealing with causes me anguish and if it helps others I'm all for it.
Thanks for your time, Mike. I had a pretty good day today. I had a pretty strong thought today that sex life is very important today, and found myself feeling very attracted to a sexy latina woman. It felt quite nice, and unlike other times it did not feel as manic as it used to in the past.
Take care, I'll keep you updated on my progress, Wish me well.
6. Hi Mike, I don't mean to be difficult. This is what I know about potential causes of my condition, whatever label I attach to it. I grew up being attracted to women, but age 14 I had a gay experience with a friend of mine. The memory of this experience came back to me at age 22 when I was going through difficulties in my love life with women -- I was having trouble finding a girlfriend at that time for about a year. The memory of that gay experience freaked me out. The memory came back to me during a mushroom hallucinogenic trip. It was preceded by some negative thoughts about my mother always being in my business. I eventually forgot about all this until about half a year later when I met a woman and unfortunately ended up failing to perform sexually with her which in turn caused me to really freak out. I then remembered anew that gay experience in puberty and I concluded that I must be gay.
I don't know how much more can be analyzed. What do you think?
5. Hi Mike, Have you heard of homosexual compulsive disorder? I suspect this is what I have. It's really just obsessions.
[Name]
4. Thank you, Mike. How did you arrive to think that Freud was 99% right in his conclusions?
[Name] [ by reading all 24 volumes of his collected works, inter alia ]
3. Hi Mike, I feel like I have rejected a part of me (a part of homosexual feelings), which feels like a part of me. I judged myself and pushed that part away until it knocked louder and louder. I did not embrace it and give it love, like a father gives his child. That part of me started feeling unsafe. There is an ego part of me that rejected me. I don't see why there should be such a judgmental part of me always in control.
I think this is a deep observation. Please keep me in your prayers, send me some good energy, so that I continue in joy and calm my journey into maturity as a human.
2. Hi Mike, Thank you for your response. I was talking about myself. I'm 34 and for last 12 years I've been repressing same sex attractions/desires and I think to a very negative effect. A memory of a same-sex experience in puberty triggered these attractions and I have tried to push them away out of fear and misunderstanding. I just want to figure out what to do, do the right thing for my brain and spirit and get my life together.
Thank you kindly for your wise words. If you have any further advice or observations on what I just wrote, I would certainly welcome that. Best wishes to you and I think your research touches on an area that many people are afraid to admit exists.
[Name]
1. Hi Mike: If one is going through the issues you describe on your website (no diagnosis of schizophrenia, but definitely significant disease in life) and suspects bisexual conflict is the culprit, what advice would you give such a person to get better? Thanks. [ Freudian-oriented psycho-analysis ]